So, you’re curious about getting into the fantastical scene of BDSM, are you? Well, welcome to the world of uninhibited bliss, new sensations and experiences, and all kinds of delicious fun.
The possibilities and activities that encompass BDSM are so vast that there’s something for everyone to enjoy, in various types of realms and intensities. BDSM isn’t just hardcore whips and chains, as one may think. It also has an element of softness and sensuality that may just be perfect for you as a BDSM beginner.
Sit tight and let’s jump into the basics of BDSM.
The first thing to learn about BDSM is what it stands for. What do the acronyms BDSM mean?
- B is for Bondage
- D is for Disciple
- S is for Sadism
- M is for Masochism
Bondage is the practice of consensually typing, binding, or restraining a partner for erotic, aesthetic, or somatosensory stimulation.
Discipline is the practice of one person (often called a ‘dominant’) giving their partner (often called a ‘submissive’) a set of rules to obey. Punishment and rewards are given according to whether the submissive follows the rules of not.
Sadism is when someone has the sexual desire to inflict various forms of pain on another, and
Masochism is when a person derives sexual gratification from receiving pain or humiliation.
What is BDSM?
While we now know what BDSM stands for, it’s important to know that it is merely an umbrella term, and that there are so many ways these kinds of practices can be enjoyed.
In the majority of BDSM relationships however, there is almost always one partner who is dominant and another that is submissive. Alternatively, one or both partners could be a switch, which is when they are both dominant and submissive, and take turns to take on the different roles.
Some less intense examples of BDSM practices can include:
- Hair pulling
- Light spanking
- Using scarves or soft items to tie up a partner
- Using terms of authority such as “Sir” or “Madam”
- Biting
- Role Playing
- Enjoying sensation play with blindfolds
- Using candle wax
More intense examples of BDSM practices can include:
- Mummification which involves one being completely bound
- Breast torture
- Wearing chastity belts
- Putting a collar on a submissive as a form of ownership
- Cock and ball torture
- Cuckholdry
- Edge play, aka getting a partner close to climax then halting stimulation
- Electrostimulation
- Fire play
- Flogging
- Foot worship
- Humiliation
- Knife play
- Orgasm denial or torture
- Sensory deprivation
- Suspension bondage
For beginners, we strongly advise researching and experimenting more with the less intense forms of BDSM with your partner to see how you like it. If it tickles your fancy, there’s a slew of more intense activities to explore.
What Kinds of Sex Toys are Used in BDSM?
The kinds of sex toys used in BDSM will depend on the kind of BDSM activities you’ll be enjoying. There are so many delicious, sensual, seductive, erotic, and extreme sex toys for BDSM that finding your favourite(s) is like going on your most intense and lust-worthy adventure.
Some sex toys that are used in BDSM can include:
- Blindfolds, bondage hoods, isolation hoods
- Collars and chokers
- Ball gags
- Mouth spreaders
- Genital clamps
- Feather ticklers
- Floggers
- Paddles
- Canes
- Whips
- Rope
- Handcuffs
- Binders
- Bondage tape
- Shackles
- Spreader bars
- Chastity toys
- Anal hooks
- Electric stimulation toys
- Strap-on dildos
How Do You Know What Kind of Fetishes You're Into?
Well firstly, there’s actually a difference between a ‘kink’ and a ‘fetish’. A kink is something that an individual finds arousing but that is not usually considered the sexual normal. A fetish is a sexual act or object that one almost always needs in order to become aroused.
In this way, one would need to identify their kinks first, which could then develop into a fetish. Or, if someone feels that they’ve always been into or intrigued with BDSM, fetishes and kinks, they may have recognised that they have a fetish from the beginning, as opposed to a kink.
Do you already feel somewhat included or aroused by the idea of certain acts or objects? Perhaps you sometimes enjoy it when a partner spanks you during intimacy? Or maybe you love role playing when you’re in the mood? These acts are considered ‘kinks’.
To explore your sexual side, we highly recommend you toy around with different kinds of play to find something that you can consider a ‘kink’.
Some of the most common kinks and fetishes include:
- Spanking
- Role playing
- Foot fetish
- Anal sex
- Lingerie
- Group sex
- Orgasm control
- Bondage
- Psychological play, like ‘mind games’ or humiliation
- Voyeurism
- Virtual Sex
How Do You Bring up BDSM with Your Partner?
If you (or your partner) are new to the world of BDSM, you would be considered ‘vanilla’ in the bedroom. This isn’t a bad thing at all, it’s simply a term for those who enjoy more conventional acts during playtime. And because of that, it may seem daunting or difficult to bring up the topic of BDSM with your partner. How the conversation unfolds will also depend on the dynamic of your relationship.
We suggest avoiding going all out and proclaiming all of your wildest and most enticing fantasies at first, as this could be overwhelming. Start slowly, and start communicating with your lover when the time is right (for example, when they’re relaxed and you can see that they’re in the right space to talk).
Whilst discussing the idea of BDSM with your partner, try to understand how they may be feeling and their viewpoint. How they react will give you an indication of whether you can go into more detail or not. You may simply bring up the idea of being spanked during intimacy at first, and saving other ideas for a second or third conversation. Or you could start the conversation using an example of BDSM that you know they may be interested in. Their reaction is key.
You also don’t want to put pressure on your partner. Communication, compromise, and flexibility is important in all relationships, so be gentle with each other. If your partner is opposed to the idea, it’s the perfect time to tell them that you understand and that you simply wanted them to know about your desires so as not to hide anything from them. Try to maintain a positive channel of communication throughout, and address the topic on one or more occasions by reading the energy in the room.
If both partners are on-board, you could begin by making a list of what you are and not comfortable with. This can lead to negotiation and a plan-of-action of some sorts. It’ll allow both to express their desires, likes and dislikes, so that there are no surprises or bad experiences.
Additionally, a safe word is always a good idea, as it can bring all play to a halt when one or both partners feel unsafe or uncomfortable. BDSM is all about consent, respect, trust, open communication, and mutual satisfaction.
Our Recommended BDSM and Bondage Toys for Beginners
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Fetish Fantasy Limited Edition Cumfy Cuffs Try something daringly seductive with your lover by feeling the velvety-soft faux fur of the Fetish Fantasy Limited Edition Cumfy Cuffs against your skin. These restraints not only feel amazing, but look entirely sexy too for a very satisfying experience and aesthetic. And with its super-sturdy metal hardware and buckle closure, there’s a slim chance that the wearer will be escaping anytime soon! |
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Sink into the sensations of total immobility and relinquish control to your lover with the Scandal Bed Restraints. The lack of movement intensifies the sensations you experience, making your partner’s whispers feel hotter and their skin against yours electrifying. These adjustable wrist and ankle cuffs feature a soft, plush interior for comfort, while the exterior showcases beautiful red brocade fabric. Use the tethers in various positions—wrapped under the mattress or around a bedpost—to keep you firmly tethered to the bed, spread out for your lover's enjoyment. |
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Fetish Fantasy Limited Edition Spreader Bar Open wide! This beginner's metal Spreader Bar positions you or your partner perfectly for pleasure every time. Attach the adjustable ankle cuffs, and your subject won’t be able to close their thighs. Enjoy easy access and try new positions without the ability to escape. The detachable cuffs feature a comfortable soft-neoprene inner lining that's gentle on the ankles, ensuring that while they squirm and squeal, they won’t get out! This sleek metal rod keeps thighs apart, leaving you trembling in anticipation and open to new experiences. |
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Fetish Fantasy Alligator Nipple Clamps Nipple stimulation, especially in women, can be entirely arousing. In fact, some women can orgasm from nipple stimulation alone. So why not spice things up with the Fetish Fantasy Alligator Nipple Clamps? They’re made with durable metal clips and covered in soft rubber liners, and are adjustable, allowing you to curate your most comfortable and pleasurable weight. The perfect nipple clamps for beginners? Quite possibly so. |
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Fetish Fantasy Limited Edition First Time Fantasy Kit Turn your bedroom into an erotic playground with the First Time Fantasy Kit. This kinky collection is perfect for bondage beginners and offers something exciting for everyone. Kick things off with a flirty game of erotic dice, then blindfold your lover to heighten anticipation. Tease them with the soft feather tickler before introducing the rope cat o' nine tails. If they talk too much, the breathable ball gag will remind them who’s boss. |
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Explore your submissive side with the enticing tassels of the Scandal Flogger. Featuring a sturdy designer fabric handle that evokes luxurious deep red sheets, this flogger is perfect for both punishment and reward. The soft tassels can deliver a gentle tickle or a firmer slap, catering to both beginners and experienced users alike. Whether you’re teasing your partner or delivering a satisfying sting, this flogger promises an exhilarating experience. For care, simply wash with warm water and soap or use a high-quality toy cleaner. |
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