Why do we have sex? To procreate? To gain sexual experience? To get some cardio in before the day is done? Well, it could be for all three of those reasons, and more. But one thing is for sure… sex was made to feel good for both you and your partner.
But how can it feel super duper amazing for everyone if there’s a lack of communication? Sure, some people have an indescribable physical connection that produces fireworks in the bedroom every single time without fault, but what about those who aren’t exactly getting their needs met?
What about individuals who feel that sex is one-sided and walk away sans an orgasm and zero rush of oxytocin? Well, this article was made for you. It’s time for you and your partner to have the best sex ever, and here’s how it can be done…
Sex Should Be a Two-Way Street of Pleasure
For many, women especially, sex can often feel like an opportunity to satisfy a partner rather than themselves. And it’s this kind of thinking that can lead to less-than-desirable results in the sheets.
The first step to having great sex is to realise that you deserve it! Sex is a passionate activity that requires both partners to feel stimulated, excited, and engaged.
By telling yourself that your pleasure is just as important as your partners, you’re on the right track to getting all of those amazing benefits that come from the sideways tango.
You could also suggest trying (new) sex toys that are made for couples. In this way, both partners will be able to enhance their stimulation without letting it slip that you feel unsatisfied in the bedroom.
Communicating with a partner about sex and what you enjoy or want from the experience can be difficult. But there’s a saying that exists: “If you don’t ask, the answer is always no”.
The best way to go about communicating with your partner about your sexual needs is to do so in a positive and complimentary way.
For example, verbalising and giving praise when they do something that you like. This kind of positive reinforcement can be in the form of a louder moan or saying something like, “That feels really good,” or “Yes, right there!”.
So whether you choose to talk to your partner about your needs, or you aim to direct them during play time, doing so can result in even more fun for both of you.
Take note however, that if you choose to communicate your lack of sexual satisfaction straight after sex, it may leave your partner feeling vulnerable or questioning their abilities. This is never a good thing.
Either way, honesty is the best policy, and to speak of your sexual desires in a straightforward, almost blunt manner, could improve your sex life tenfold.
Sexy Show and Tell
Another great way to get what you want in bed, is to simply show your partner. You could do this by engaging in mutual masturbation, or simply having them watch you play with yourself using your favourite sex toy.
If you’re all about clitoral stimulation, let them see you in action. Or, if you love having your nipples stimulated, or your g-spot reached, a visual guide is not only really erotic but also a great little anatomy lesson for your partner.
Too Shy to Ask for What You Want?
Sometimes talking about sex and the things that we want from the experience, can be difficult. And while we recommend that you avoid beating around the bush, it can feel embarrassing or even bring on a fear of being judged.
A great solution for this, is to engage in sexting. It can be via text messages, e-mails, visual aids, or even voice notes. Choose a medium that feels most comfortable and the least threatening for you, and it should help you to build courage and talk about your inner desires.
Another way that you could prompt open communication about individual sexual needs, is to ask your partner what they want.
When you begin this dialogue, it could result in you being asked the exact same question. In this way, both partners can start having the best sex ever!
Basically, the key to great sex is communication, and there are so many different ways and channels in which communication can take place, whether it is verbal or non-verbal. And once you’ve found the courage to speak up, you’ll be rewarded with the amazing, firework-inducing sex that you deserve!
Helena Lorimer, Sexual Health and Wellness Expert at JOUJOU