Are you or have you ever been in a dom/sub relationship? Are you considering or curious about it?
Whether you’ve got tons of experience within the realm of BDSM relationships, or you’re in the early stages, still trying to figure it out and decide whether it’s for you or not, there’s one very important aspect that everyone should be familiar with. That is aftercare.
When it comes to sex and sexuality, there aren’t necessarily any rules or guidelines about the way in which two consenting adults get it on. But, there’s usually a ‘right’ way to do things.
In short, being in a dom/sub relationship that places high importance in aftercare, is the relationship equivalent of winning the lottery… and let us tell you why!
Teamwork Makes the Dream Work
Being either a dominant or a submissive in a relationship takes teamwork. It’s about having an open and comfortable level of communication, and tailoring the experience so that both parties are able to gain what they perceive to be their interests and pleasures.
So while one may argue that pre-planning (that is talking, creating guidelines, checking boundaries etc.) is the most essential thing for a successful dom/sub relationship, the aftercare is just as important.
This is because it’s the aftercare that really brings two people together. It’s a way in which to enjoy downtime either embracing, chatting, or simply being. It’s also a way for both partners to recognise each other, and not to discard them after playtime.
Trust is a Must
In the dom/sub relationship, trust is of utmost importance. And aftercare reinforces the element of trust.
For example, if one partner feels uncomfortable or apprehensive after playtime, and their partner doesn’t have any inclination to console and comfort them, what does that say about the person?
Do they really care about the wellbeing of their play partner if they don’t believe in aftercare?
All Kinds of Stimulation
And then there’s the aspect of mental and physical stimulation. The acts that take place between a dom and sub are largely physical, yes, and can include an array of erotic activities like spanking, ballbusting, and bondage. But the relationship really does encompass mental attraction and stimulation too.
It’s been shown that doms are generally highly intelligent and ambitious individuals who are dedicated and hard-working. In this way, they seek mental stimulation too. A healthy dom/sub relationship is one where both parties actively look out for their partner’s mental and physical wellbeing. Aftercare is a way in which to reaffirm that.
Aftercare: Subs Only?
And when it comes to who receives the aftercare, it would seem more plausible that the sub in a relationship would be the one who should receive physical and mental nurturing, right? In actuality, it’s both the dom and the sub that should give and receive aftercare.
The truth is that a dom has a big responsibility when it comes to having a sub. They have to plan, execute, and look out for their subs wellbeing at all times.
This too can be mentally challenging and requires self-control and restraint. Aftercare is merely the notion that both partners take the time to make their partner feel seen, comfortable, and cherished.
With that, aftercare can mean something different to every individual. There is no right or wrong way to go about aftercare. For some, it’s about embracing in cuddles or spooning. For others, it could be listening to music silently together in bed and lighting a scented candle. It could even be someone reaching for a cold bottle of water after playtime, or giving one another a sensual massage.
Aftercare is whatever you and your partner want it to be. It’s an act or experience that brings playtime to an end in a loving, respectful, and kind manner, and could arguably be the most important aspect of the BDSM lifestyle. We all have an innate desire to be cared for and appreciated, and that’s essentially what aftercare entails.
So, we wish you lots of fun, but also the ability to cherish the one that you’re with.
Helena Lorimer at JOUJOU