Sex can be intimate, romantic, enjoyed sans emotion, or simply deemed as ‘fucking’. And even though we’re taught that “when a man loves a woman…” etc. etc. there are millions and millions of cases where people want to push the boundaries when it comes to sex.
This, in itself, is a reason why some women (and men) love rough sex… the taboo factor. Society has taught women that they need to sit pretty, smile, and be well-behaved. They’re also labeled if they have too many partners, or if they have none.
There’s simply no middle ground, making it hard for a woman to truly embrace her sexuality without feeling as though she’s going against everything she knows.
The thing is, there’s nothing wrong with being a woman who enjoys rough sex. In fact, a woman taking control of her sexuality is a pretty big ‘eff you’ to some of society's ridiculous male-centered ideas.
And when a woman takes on a submissive role during rough sex, it may seem as though she is being subservient to her partner. In actuality, this kind of rough sex is just the opposite.
Women Who Enjoy Being Submissive During Rough Sex Are Usually Very Empowered
In a relationship, within the boundaries of intimacy, it can be empowering for women to dictate what she will or won’t accept in the bedroom.
In an ironic twist, the ‘dominant’ partner is not actually the one calling the shots… it’s the person who is giving them the permission to be powerful.
In fact, some high status women (CEO’s, for example) enjoy the idea of being sexually overpowered, as it gives them some time to reverse their role in society.
Powerful Women Who Like to Be Submissive During Rough Sex Aren’t Insecure
Yes, some powerful women enjoy being submissive during rough sex. Is powerful the same as insecure? Not at all. In fact, it is this power that negates the notion that some submissive women are insecure.
Think about it this way: when a dominant partner is filled with passion and lust, they show their submissive just how much they want them by throwing them around, taking them passionately, and even pinning them down. It’s as if they cannot control themselves. In this scenario, the submissive is the object of the dominant’s lust, which pretty much gives the submissive the upper hand.
We Love Rough Sex Just Like We Love Horror Films
Circling back to rough sex, here’s an analogy for you: horror films can be vile, scary and petrifying, right? Yet there are tons of people all over the world who absolutely love them, despite all of the weird and uneasy emotions that they can bring about.
Rough sex is kind of like that… it’s crazy, thrilling, scary, taboo, and unpredictable. But, at the end of the day, whether you’re watching a horror film or having wild rough sex, you know that everything will be okay in the end.
You know that the film will end, and you know that the consentual rough sex you’re enjoying isn’t actually a dangerous life-threatening situation. It can be experienced for what it is, because it is only for fun and pleasure.
Rough Sex: Consent and After Care
In order for the above analogy to be true however, rough sex needs to be consentual. The boundaries should be discussed before any play, and these boundaries differ from couple to couple.
Perhaps some may agree to one act, but won’t allow another. In this way, consent and respect should be adhered to in order to fully enjoy the act.
And when it comes to post-sex, after care is another essential aspect that can make or break the experience. No one wants to feel discared after sex, whether it was romantic or rough. But feeling undesirable or unimportant after rough sex can sting exceptionally more.
After care entails spending time with your partner afterwards, making sure that they’re feeling ok, and letting them know that you genuinely care about them and their wellbeing. It can include bringing them a glass of water, giving them a cuddle, or simply having a chat.
Enhancing Your Experience
Having said that, if you’re totally turned on by passionate grabbing, spanking, tying, or even pain, here are a few cheeky props to enhance your rough sex experience. Remember to play nice!
Helena Lorimer, Sexual Health and Wellness Expert at JOUJOU