Intimacy is one of the most important parts of a relationship, and can be so confusing and overwhelming it causes “sex anxiety.” This is when someone can’t enjoy sex as much as they want to, either unable to relax during the process or too nervous to entertain the thought even if they wish they could. Sex anxiety can be managed though, and it isn’t an end to your relationships and doesn’t affect your self worth!
Where does sex anxiety come from? A lot of it comes from society in general, with unrealistic perceptions of sex being displayed everywhere we turn - from thin photoshopped lingerie models in magazines to our sexual education. Many women and men will become uncomfortable with their body if certain areas aren’t a specific aesthetic; men may be worried about finishing too fast; and women may not experience pleasure because they don’t know how or aren’t comfortable enough with the subject.
Sex anxiety may turn one partner off completely or just end the fun until next time, both of which are not fun for either to endure and can be harmful. If you find yourself experiencing severe sex anxiety you should contact a specialist. For those of us dealing with more common issues that are easier to self-fix, here are some recommendations.
Identify your problem and where it came from if it’s possible. If you experience body image issues, look in a mirror. Examine yourself with a blank mind, and find what you like. Play dress-up in cute underwear, flashy dresses, whatever you have and get used to seeing your body. If you aren’t sure how to pleasure your partner, talk to them and get to know what they want - this will also break down a lot of walls and make the relationship in general more comfortable.
If you feel like you aren’t experiencing pleasure, figure out why not - is it your partner, you, or a combination of both? What are either of you trying to do for your pleasure? It is normal for women to not achieve climax only through penetration, and penetration is not the only way to have sex, nor does it mean you can’t do other things during intercourse to pleasure yourself. Try switching it up - a lot of people won’t be able to experience pleasure with a partner until they have learned how to pleasure themselves, due to comfort and simply knowing your body.
If you’re a man and feel like you finish too fast, there’s a variety of adult toys to work with. You can try certain gels or lubes meant to extend your time, or you can try a ring. Specifically, the Rocks Off 8 Ball ring! This silicone ring can fit in a few forms, such as around the erection, behind the testicles and erection, or a combo of both with another ring directly around the testicles. These are also known as “erection holders” as they will hold you off from finishing fast; but they will also give stronger orgasms. It’s easy to take on and off, and the ability to change up where it’s applying pressure allows you to adjust for what feels best on you.
Ladies, you have to know yourself (or at least be open to knowing yourself) before you can really get a good vibe with a partner. Men can be more simple, but the lack of education regarding women's pleasure and holding it to a different standard can have a negative effect. You should begin experimenting with what methods feel best for you - that way you can later pass it onto your partner! If you’re trying to get more comfortable, we recommend sex toys like Alice. Alice is a silicone vibrator with external stimulator complete with two different motors, one for the internal shaft and the other in the stimulator. Alice is USB rechargeable, meaning you won’t have to go out and buy new batteries for her. There are eight vibration speeds too! It’s a great toy that isn’t intimidating but packs a punch too.
There’s an issue with lubrication that every couple will experience at some point or another. A lot of folks believe that the woman will produce enough lubrication every time, but this isn’t the case, and can change for a variety of reasons (even if she is aroused). Erosense is a lubricant made with three medical grade silicones, and it’s designed for especially sensitive skin as well!
If you’re dealing with the issue of not feeling like you are able to experience personal pleasure during sex, or like you can’t perform well enough, there are a few things you want to consider. One, why is that you feel this way, and how does your partner feel about it? Open up this discussion, and remember that it’s a common issue for women to think there is an issue with their sensitivity levels. To help both of these feelings, try the IDA Couples Massager. The massager comes with a remote control for easy use, and has eight different vibrations to play with. The toy is worn internally with an external arm, and is small enough that it shouldn’t bother either partner to be worn but can stimulate both at the same time!
Sex anxiety is a common problem, and most of us have dealt with having one or had a partner that dealt it. Sex anxiety, like regular anxiety, can show itself in a variety of levels. Opening your relationship up to communication and experimentation with sex toys can take a load off, making it a great first few steps. Talking to your partner and getting to know yourself can help relieve some of it, though if you suffer with something more serious you should contact a specialist.
Article by Sara at JOUJOU