Sex glorious sex. What a magical experience to have. For many of us, sex is a great way to relieve stress, to perk up our mood, to get intimate with a partner, or to simply cure our lustful emotions. But sometimes… sex doesn’t always go to plan.
By that we mean, the issue of having low sexual stamina.
Sexual stamina is the ability to sustain sex before you need to take a break. Basically, it refers to how long you can last in bed. For example, reaching orgasm (and ejaculating in men) is the main factor that limits one’s sexual stamina.
Oftentimes, however, when talking about sexual stamina, it’s mainly directed at men (orgasm gap, anyone?). This is probably because men are more prone to orgasm and ejaculating quicker than women.
Women often need more time to be in the moment, to feel comfortable, and to mentally prepare for orgasm. Men, on the other hand, are more visual. But where does that leave women? Usually unsatisfied. And where does that leave men? Feeling ashamed or embarrassed because they can’t please their female partners.
So today, we’re going to be looking at how men can last longer in bed. We’ll take a peek at:
- Why does lasting longer in bed matter?
- How to know if you have premature ejaculation (PE)?
- How to discuss your sexual performance with your partner
- 12 actionable tips to improve your sexual stamina
12 Things You Can Do Now to Increase Your Sexual Stamina and Last Longer in Bed.
Our focus today is on men’s sexual stamina. However, we’ve mentioned that women will, in the long run, benefit from a man who has a decent sexual stamina. In this way, we hope that our information will be valuable to both men and women.
We all deserve great sex, and we all deserve to feel confident and satisfied in our sexual adventures.
So, to kick us off, why does lasting longer in bed actually matter?
Why does lasting longer in bed matter?
We’ve briefly mentioned that it takes women longer to orgasm than men. In fact, a 2016 study of over 52,500 adults in the U.S. found that 95 percent of heterosexual men usually or always orgasm during sex compared to 65 percent of heterosexual women. This is called the orgasm gap.
They need to feel aroused and relaxed in order to truly let themselves go and be in the moment. For many women, mental stimulation is just as important as physical stimulation. Doing things for her that’ll create a warm and sensual atmosphere can work like magic, such as lighting candles, playing music, or giving her a massage.
It’s almost important to note that if a woman doesn’t feel aroused, the vagina doesn’t become lubricated. This leads to painful sex, which can be extremely uncomfortable.
Now you’re probably wondering what all of this has to do with lasting longer in bed. Well, think about it this way. Perhaps you’re a man and you’re suffering from conditions such as premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction. A woman too is facing her own issues. Together, it’s highly likely that no one will come out of the experience feeling fully satisfied.
If a man does and can last longer in bed however, it’ll give a woman more time to get in the mood and to orgasm herself. This is the most favourable outcome.
Having said that, there is a lot of pressure on men to perform. And when they can’t, it can bring about all kinds of negative emotions and feelings, for both partners.
So, men, if you feel as though you’re having a problem in the bedroom, are you perhaps suffering from premature ejaculation?
How do you know if you actually suffer from premature ejaculation (PE?)
Premature ejaculation (PE) occurs in men when semen leaves the body (ejaculate) sooner than wanted during sex. And it happens to more men than you may think. One in three, in fact,
Luckily, premature ejaculation is a treatable condition. First thing’s first though, one would need to know that they actually have PE.
Here are some of the signs that may indicate you suffer from premature ejaculation:
- You always or nearly always ejaculate within one to three minutes of penetrative sex
- You are not able to delay ejaculation during sex all or nearly all of the time
- You feel distracted and frustrated, and tend to avoid sexual intimacy as a result
If you’ve experienced one or more of these mentioned above, talking with a healthcare provider or a sex therapist may be a good idea.
Alternatively (or in conjunction with) you could try a few of our 12 actionable tips to improve your sexual stamina mentioned below.
This is because your partner may be feeling bad about themselves. They may believe that they’re the problem, which could lead to them feeling undesirable.
How to discuss your sexual performance with your partner
The notion of masculinity makes it extremely hard for men to talk about their feelings, especially when it comes to their issues surrounding sex. But as the times change, we’re seeing a swift change in the toxic masculinity culture, and we’re all about men taking charge of their emotions in a healthy way.
You have an absolute right to talk about your sexual stamina and whatever other sexual topics you need with your partner. Men are allowed to be vulnerable. In fact, women are often very attracted to men who can be open and honest about their feelings.
Having said that, here are some healthy and productive ways to discuss sex and your sexual performance with your partner:
Find the right moment
If you’re in the middle of a fight and blurt it out, it probably won’t go down well. Additionally, if one or both of you are busy or preoccupied with other concerns, this is not the best time. Find a moment when you’re both relaxed and fully present.
Be ready to be open and honest
A conversation that isn’t authentic probably won’t solve anything, and the way you communicate will make a big difference in the outcome. Try to be loving in your approach and talk about the way your sexual performance may be affecting both of you, not just yourself. You could say that you’ve noticed some parts of sex that isn’t making you feel good, but that no one is at fault. Placing blame on yourself or your partner will do the opposite of what you’re looking to achieve. Together, you can navigate your sexual frustration.
Be ready to hear the truth
We can’t control people’s emotions or actions. And it’s fair for them to admit that they’ve been feeling frustrated or undesirable because of your sexual performance. Try to remember that issues such as premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction are curable, and if you and your partner remain on the same team, it can be addressed. A better sex life is on the cards when there’s a level of empathy and team work.
Try new techniques together to find what works
After you’ve spoken with your partner about your sexual frustrations, you can start to work together to overcome them. When your partner knows what’s going on, they’ll be in a better space to work with you slowly, and to find a solution that creates even better sessions in between the sheets.
With that, here are 12 actionable tips to help you last longer in bed…
12 Actionable Tips to Help You Last Longer in Bed
Moving forward, it’s time to slowly but surely build your sexual stamina and improve your sex life.
1. Engage in foreplay
Foreplay is great for everyone. It not only prolongs intimacy, but also gives partners time to take it slow and enjoy different aspects of sex. Deep kissing, for example, is the perfect way to gain arousal without having any penetration. A sensual massage is equally as fun. Allow your partner to give you a massage without touching your genitals. Feel the oils and their hands on your body, and communicate with them throughout the process.
2. Use the pause and squeeze method
The pause and squeeze method is a super useful tool for those who ejaculate prematurely. It involves stopping all forms of stimulation when you feel you’re about to ejaculate, then squeezing the head of the penis for 10 to 20 seconds. Take a nice big breath before starting penetrative sex again.
3. Masturbate one or two hours before sex
Instead of using all of your pent up arousal to go forth and have penetrative sex, why not masturbate beforehand? Doing so an hour or two before sex can help you to build stamina and could aid in you lasting longer in bed.
4. Use a thicker condom
The thicker, the better. For many men, wearing a condom is a pain because it decreases sensitivity. But for those who are having an issue with sexual stamina, a thick condom or even a delay serum, may just help immensely in the bedroom. With that however, don’t ever use two condoms. This increases the chance of breakage.
5. Practice edging
Edging is when one partner stops all forms of stimulation when they’re close to orgasm. It’s actually a fun practice for both men and women, as it leads to even more excitement and oftentimes, bigger orgasms. If you feel you’re about to ejaculate, simply stop. During your break, you could ask your partner to play with themselves for you to watch, or you could give them soft kisses.
6. Do pelvic floor exercises
Many believe that pelvic floor exercises are solely for women. But actually, men can benefit from them too. When you do pelvic floor exercises, you’re supporting both your bladder and ejaculation. In this way, it could delay your orgasms. To practise pelvic floor exercises, you’ll have to flex the same muscles you would use to stop your flow of urine. Clench the muscle for 10 seconds, then release, aiming for at least three sets of 10 reps each other. The key to this kind of practice is consistency however, so you’ll have to be committed to doing kegel exercises every day.
7. Change aspects of your lifestyle
One’s lifestyle can have a profound effect on their sex life. For example, it’s been shown that being at a moderate weight can improve one’s performance in bed. There are also foods/medications that can help those with sexual stamina concerns. Fenugreek, for example, can actually increase levels of testosterone. On the flipside, those who have conditions such as high blood pressure, low levels of “good” cholesterol, and high blood sugar are more prone to issues such as premature ejaculation. It’s also been proven that those who overindulge in alcohol or certain drugs may have problems when it comes to sexual stamina.
8. Change sex positions often
Just as we mentioned taking a break when things become too intense, you could simply change your sex positions often. This will prolong pleasure and be less intimidating than to stop completely and simply sit there for a moment. Try new sex positions, allow it to flow naturally. It could even be something fun to discuss with your partner. Maybe there’s something that they’ve been wanting to try.
9. Use a stamina training sex toy
Yes indeed, there are male sex toys out there made for stamina training. Our favourite is the Fleshlight Pink Lady Stamina Training Unit. You could use this during your masturbation session before sex, or when you’re flying solo. It’s a male masturbator that feels just like the real thing (thanks to its SuperSkin material), and has been designed to replica the intense sensation of sex. Using this male sex toy is a way in which to work up your sexual stamina and to keep track of how your progress is going without always involving your partner.
10. Use a hollow strap-on
What’s amazing about hollow strap-ons is that it creates a barrier during penetration (think of it as a really thick condom). This will reduce a lot of penile sensation, which is great news for those who want to last longer in bed. It also gives you a continuous way to please your partner. The NEXUS Lennox 8 inch Hollow Vibrating Silicone Dildo and the Fetish Fantasy Limited Edition Hollow Strap-On are both great choices as they’re easy to use, and will stimulate your partner into ecstasy.
11. Talk to a sex therapist
While all of our suggestions are valid and helpful when it comes to lasting longer in bed, sometimes you may just feel better if you speak with a professional. It need not be sex therapist per se, it could simply be any healthcare professional. If it’s a medical problem, you may be prescribed medicine. If it’s a mental problem, a sex therapist could help navigate those issues. Sexual stamina is something that can be worked on and increased!
12. Use a sex toy on your partner
There is a way to take the pressure off of you and to give your partner all kinds of amazing sensations and pleasure. That is, to use a sex toy on them. In this way, you’re helping close the orgasm gap, and enjoying a sexual bout of play with your lover at the same time. Check out our clitoral stimulator sex toys for a plethora of different options. Or, you may just fancy the Njoy Pure Wand—Stainless Steel Dildo. This sleek sex toy is perfectly-curved to reach the G-spot and/or the prostate for some seriously sexy stimulation and release.
With that, we hope you’ve found a few good pieces of advice and tips to help you last longer in bed. Sex is something that can be incredible, and you definitely deserve to indulge in sexual pleasure that’s entirely satisfying and fulfilling for both you and your partner(s).