Cunnilingus has mystified men for long enough. A lot of the mainstream advice like “drawing the alphabet with your tongue” has proven to be too strange. There's the fear of teeth gnawing into the most sensitive areas, causing pain and even injury - this ever happens but it doesn't mean women don't fear it, just like men. Those who try to add fingers for extra stimulation might just agitate a partner who believes less is more when it comes to the decadent simplicity of being eaten out. Of course, there are also the folks who just don't know what they're doing and either are too hesitant or use their tongue like a shovel. But going down on vagina is not difficult at all. With the right amount of foreplay, pressure, speed, and correct pattern she can be finishing before you know it.
What are you doing wrong right now? Your issue may be an easy fix. It seems the biggest issue women face with oral is their partners’ lack of understanding of the clitoris and vagina in general, and then they don't pay attention to their partner's body language.
First, women want foreplay and don't want fingers and tongues just shoved into them with no introduction. Get your partner interested first, kisses and playful nips working down to the promised land. By the time you get there, she'll be ready. Some women come harder with clitoral stimulation, others with vaginal, and most with some combination between the two, but sometimes you can experiment with other places too - ass play, nipples, and other erogenous zones. The clit needs your attention, but too many go overboard in this area - it's not a DJ booth and you aren't a pirate digging for treasure. Do not jab your fingers onto it, do not squish it down into the bone, and please avoid long or sharp nails in either area.
Look into some fun toys to use with your partner (our favourites are below), and purchase some ingestible, water-based Swiss Navy Lube. Usable with any toys and condoms or dental dams, it pours out as a gel, but then becomes more liquid with friction! Purchase some dental dams for oral and some Hex condoms for when you move on to sex afterward. At play time, wash your hands, trim and file your nails, and rinse out your mouth - there is a definite difference in sensation with a fresh mouth.
Start by kissing your partner and work slowly down; most women love nipple play and light anal teasing. Now, you're in that spot, ready to go - but don't yet. By kissing and licking the lower abdomen, hip points, and thighs you send extra rushes of tingles and are sure to build her desire for you. You can decide whether to start licking while the underwear is on or go ahead and move it out of the way. On: more teasing, makes it more exciting once it's off and the pressure is direct. Off: more comfortable and gets down to business faster.
Here is the difficult part, but it's mostly about rhythm, consistency, and listening to your partner. This will vary from person to person, but in general you can start by flattening your tongue for full coverage at a lower pressure, and alternate with the tip of your tongue for more localised attention. Gradually build up from there and try different tongue motions such as swirling, pulsing, or waving. Pay attention to what makes your partner react most, but alternate it with other movements to keep it from being too repetitive or making it boring. If you purchased toys then you can introduce them at the beginning or in the final lap! It's a good thing if your partner is giving you orders, as it means she is interested and engaged in the activity, not just waiting for it to end. When she orders you not to stop or says “right there” this doesn't mean to add pressure and speed, keep the consistency because you are hitting the mark! Remember to add in dirty talk if she's into that, and show enthusiasm too.
But wait, what toys can you pair with oral? The great thing about it is you can have foreplay toys, bondage toys, butt plugs, and more! Literally choose from your favourite JOUJOU toys and you probably won't miss. Our favourites to combine with cunnilingus are:
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Njoy Fun Wand, a stainless steel toy with knobs that can be used alone, with a partner, during oral, and more. It is designed for g spot stimulation but if you flip the toy over it can also work for anal play! It is cold to begin with but quickly warms up to the skin, for immediate fun place it in a bowl of warm water first.
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Oralee Oral Vibe is a small toy that is inserted inside of the mouth, and connects around the cheek. It has five different vibration speeds to play with! Even better, this toy for can be used for men and women, meaning both partners get to experience the joy of the Oral Vibe.
- The Oral Stimulator can be used alone or with a partner. It has a rotating nub under super soft silicone skin. This toy is also waterproof and easy to pack for on the go play. Your partner can use this on the clitoris, while using their own tongue on the vagina. Enjoy the ten different vibration patterns it has, and pair it with another toy to make one amazing experience!
If you have any good oral tips we didn't cover, let us know in the comments!
Article by Sara at JOUJOU