We’re all special and unique, with different genetic makeup, likes and dislikes, physical capabilities, and mental processes. And oftentimes that means that you’re, at some point or another, going to clash with the people in your life. When this happens, you could either turn a molehill into a mountain, or you could learn and practice skills that allow both parties to have their own opinions and experiences, while compromising and understanding the other person in question.
With that, it’s impossible for every couple to be 100 percent compatible in the bedroom. Some may enjoy one thing while others actively don’t, and some experience a higher sex drive than others. The most common reasons for a mismatched sex drive are:
Medical issues: hormonal changes and imbalances such as during menopause, or the use of certain medications such as anti-depressants that may cause impotence or lack of sexual desire.
Relationship issues: During rough stages of a relationship, one partner may be angry, sad, or hurt, which is likely to cause a decline in sexual needs.
Mental health issues: when someone experiences anxiety or depression, it is common for them to feel a low sex drive and to feel undesirable.
So, how can you address these issues of having a mismatched sex drive in a healthy and beneficial way?
Compromise: Whether you are the one experiencing the higher or the lower sex drive, it’s important to reach a middle ground where both parties are satisfied. It’s important to help one another with these issues in a trusted and consensual space and to take part in activities that are enjoyable for both. This could be erotic massages, watching your partner, cuddling, slow touching and caressing, or kissing.
Consider your options: Depending on your stance on the matter, one solution for a mismatched sex drive could be to consider an open relationship – one where both partners are honest and forthcoming about their experiences outside of their relationship. If this is something you’re considering, it’s important to set rules, boundaries, and guidelines to avoid getting hurt or jealous.
Talk it through: If you’re experiencing problems in the bedroom, avoiding the situation will only make it worse. When one starts to keep secrets or avoids talking about certain issues, it could lead to cheating, affairs, and or a lot of resentment towards their partner. Choose a safe space to address the issue at hand, and think outside of the box when it comes to finding middle ground.
Seek professional help: There is no shame in talking with a sex therapist who could provide a safe space to talk about your feelings, fears, and thoughts. He or she can give you advice and activities to try at home to find something that works for both of you.
Focus on what works: If one of you has a sex drive exceedingly higher than the other, try to find activities that give satisfaction to both of you. Think back to the beginning of your relationship and the things you used to do that drove you both wild. Or perhaps you’ve changed and matured over time? Go back to the basics. Get intimate with each other slowly without the ultimate goal being sex.
Try something new: As a starting point, try JOUJOU's Libido Tea. It is a natural performance enhancer as it contains an array of potent aphrodisiac herbs. Then, think about experimentation - there’s always a little room for a bit of that. And if you’re the one with a lower sex drive, take some time to think about and research the things that you’ve always wanted to try. Perhaps you’re intrigued by outdoor sex, or you’re curious about pegging. How about taking a small leap into the world of light BDSM? A change-up may just be the answer for those experiencing a low sex drive, and could bring the magic back to what once was a bedroom on fire!
At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that no two people are the same and that you fell for your partner for a reason. There’s no need to make rash decisions such as breaking up if you’re experiencing issues in the bedroom. Instead, consider these tips and remember that honesty is the best policy. Have the respect and understanding to be there for your partner, and to find a sexy and fun solution that leaves both of you exceedingly satisfied.
Helena Lorimer, Sexual Health and Wellness Expert at JOUJOU