Your First Time In a Threesome

It’s been said that two’s company and three’s a crowd. But sometimes, three can be better than two - especially in the bedroom! If you’re adventurous and want to experience double the pleasure, a threesome might fit the bill. But adding an extra partner isn't always as easy as just inviting one on over. If a threesome's on your bucket list, here's how to get started - and increase that odds that it'll be a success for everyone involved.

Why a Threesome?

Having a ménage a trois doesn’t have to be the messy and deviant act that society makes it out to be. In fact, having a threesome can bring you and your partner closer. For the right couple, it's also explosively arousing.

In fact, for uninhibited couples who want to get creative with new ways to explore their carnal desires, threesomes are a common way to do it. According to the American Sex Survey, conducted by ABC News in 2004, about 14 percent of Americans had been in a threesome, while another 21 percent fantasized about doing it.

So what's the appeal? There are plenty of reasons why people decide to participate in threesomes. For the truly sexually adventurous, it can improve the chances of remaining in a quality relationship, reduce the desire for infidelity and provide a way for people to explore their sexual desires with a long-term partner.

Plus, a lot of monogamous couples choose to remain monogamous not because they want to, but because they just don’t know any better. According to psychotherapist and author Tammy Nelson in "The New Monogamy," 35 to 50 percent of people who cheat on their partners report being happy in their marriages when they do it. It seems that a not-so-small percentage of people feel compelled to explore sex with other partners. Doing it together can allow those couples to travel some new sexual ground together, and perhaps form a deeper connection in the process.

Approaching Your Partner

If you and your partner already have an open dialog about sex, bringing up a threesome might be easy. In other cases, it can be a very difficult conversation. If you get shot down, you may end up having your own little threesome for a while - with you and both of your hands. Sometimes, that's a risk of being open. Whatever you do, don’t pressure your partner about it. Sex is a personal thing, which means you can't always find a middle ground. No means no. 

If your partner is open to the idea about inviting a third party into the bedroom, you still have to approach the idea carefully, especially the first time. It's probably best to bring a threesome up as a possibility, and to make sure that your significant other knows that they matter most. Start by discussing your sexual fantasies and put your threesome fantasy out there. If your partner expresses interest, suggest that you two carry it out together. 

Picking a Partner

Before the big night comes, you should also discuss if you want the third person to be a man or woman, somebody you both know or a stranger, and any other criteria that matters to you when it comes to choosing that new partner. 

Engaging in a threesome with a couple can be a very intimate moment, and one that can be either super awkward or super arousing for the third party. After you and your partner agree on the criteria for your playmate, it’s important to find a willing participant who is excited and comfortable with the idea. If you have an adventurous and open-minded friend in your life, take them out to dinner and casually mention that you and your hubby are looking for a third person to be part of your sexual trio. 

If you think having a threesome with a friend may become messy, you can also find a stranger to be part of your sexual fantasies. There are many nightclubs and websites that cater to people looking for threesomes or swinger relationships. Be sure to meet with the person face-to-face before any sexy time occurs, and also accompany them to a clinic to get tested to make sure everyone is healthy and STD free. 

The Big Night Has Arrived

Now that your partner is willing and you have an eager third party, it’s time for the fun to begin! The most important thing to keep in mind is to make sure everyone gets the same amount of attention. The goal is for everyone to get their kicks and for nobody to feel left out. There are plenty of spicy moves you can do to make sure everyone is getting off. If one person is receiving a blow job, another person can be engaging in some finger foreplay and tongue action. Vaginal intercourse can happen at the same time as anal or oral sex. Pick your combination, just be sure to get creative and do what feels natural to you. This should be fun!

Three May be a Crowd

Unfortunately, bringing a new partner into a relationship - even just for a night - can have consequences. Here are the biggies:

That Lonely Feeling

It’s possible that two people will enjoy each other so much, the third will feel left out. It's important to address this before you get started, and make sure the love really is shared around.

 

Hey, Jealousy

Even if you think you want to have a threesome, seeing someone else with your partner can still raise some ugly feelings. Be sure to think about this beforehand. If this isn't something you can handle with grace, a menage a trois probably isn't for you.

 

Bye Bye Love

More Partners, Less Respect
Having a threesome can cause you to see your partner in a new light, and that isn't always a good thing. As a result, it can highlight the fact that a partner isn't right for you, at least not long term.

 

A threesome challenges the idea that sex can only happen between two people. In many cases, desire is something that can flow among three or even more people, often with great results. But if you've ever been in a relationship, you probably know that keeping your partner happy isn't always easy. When you add another one, things might get hotter ... or they might just get more complicated. That said, if a threesome is your fantasy, that may just be a risk you'll have to take.

By Stephanie Weaver