Takeaway: Dating in the lesbian community is fun, friendly, and often everyone knows everyone else. If you're new or being reintroduced to dating other women, here are some good tips!
We all look for the same things in a partner - a great sense of humor, passion for life, good conversation, long walks on the beach. But women looking for other women can be a little more difficult; often we’re not able to be open about whom we're looking for and have a more limited dating pool as well. But the one you seek may be right there in front of you and she wants to meet you as much as you want to meet her! Here are a few tips to find the one:
Online dating is a great resource, especially since it can be difficult to find other lesbians in your area or in general. Write intriguing messages that are easy to respond to and make her want to know more. Be yourself and tell the truth. Don’t forget to keep your profile picture up to date!
Don’t limit yourself to an age range. There are plenty of excuses people use when talking about ages. If she’s older, she’ll be boring. If she’s younger I won’t have much in common with her. These come from fear and are far from truth. At very worst, an older partner can teach us valuable life lessons and a younger partner can help us enjoy life like we used to. Don’t let misconceptions rule you. Keep your mind open and increase the age ranges for whom you're looking for!
First dates. Whether you plan the date or she does, try to have a light and casual first date. Go to a cafe, meet up at a bar, or have a small lunch together. Pay attention to her and let her talk. This way you can get to know her in a laid-back situation and can decide whether you want to go out again in a more formal setting.
Shy girls. If you’re an introvert, the world of dating can be intimidating. Take it slowly and try to work around your anxiety. Shy people are usually perceived as humble and mysterious. So embrace it; it isn’t a bad thing. Expand your comfort zone by setting social goals that work for you. Building confidence through socialisation can change the way you see yourself, and help you work through negative beliefs about yourself.
Breakups are terrible. The period after is usually filled with rollercoaster emotions, and getting through it is hard. So after you’ve talked everything over with your partner, take a timeout from them. Don’t call or text them, and resist the temptation to stalk their social media. Point your focus on yourself. Move on from this relationship in a healthy way by taking up new hobbies or learning something you’ve been wanting to learn. Don't jump into dating immediately but let it progress naturally. As a relationship counselor, I often give the advice “make them jealous” - but it doesn't work the way you think. Work on improving yourself. If your ex does become jealous of how well you're doing, by the time you see it you won't care anymore and that's the best revenge - a better you and radio silence because you’ve moved on to something better.
Sex! A great toy for lesbian sex is the D.1 Stone dildo, made in Norway from moonstone. It stimulates the G-spot and is unusually beautiful for a sex toy. There´s also The Wave, a w-shaped double dildo for partners who want to look at one another while making love. The Love Rider is a fun toy but also a conversation piece, a vibrating silicone strap-on with an adjustable harness. Then there´s the Body Wand, a fabulous toy to use with a partner but good to relieve tension before a date as well if you´re new to dating women or in a new relationship that hasn't reached the right comfort level yet. Sex is a great stress reliever and it burns calories; 30 minutes of sex burns 85 calories! However, the best part is oxytocin. Oxytocin is the cause of all things good during sex. It reduces the pain of PMS, headaches, and arthritis because of the high levels that are produced during sex. It is also called the bonding hormone. It is what makes us feel all warm and fuzzy inside after an orgasm; what makes us touch and want to be touched, and increases intimacy in relationships.
Lastly, be you and put you first! It’s counterproductive to conceal who you really are in the dating world. It can prevent you from finding a genuine connection and eventual discoveries cause complications that usually lead to dramatic break-ups. Every little thing about you makes you unique and special and you should flaunt that! Take care of yourself first and show everyone that you know your worth. A good partner is attracted to self-confidence and it repels the ones who aren't worth your time in the first place.
You may have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your princess but that’s okay. Go on a lot of dates, meet a lot of new people, and enjoy the adventure - you’ll enjoy the ride!