Hey, did you know your dildo is ancient? Well, maybe not yours specifically, but the invention itself dates back to the Stone Age when those naughty Neanderthals apparently needed a little rock hard fun at the end of a long work day starting fires and hunting. As 21st century consumers we want to know about materials and power, angles, size, and colour, among a million other factors, that cavemen would never have anticipated.
Dildos go back at least 30,000 years, before your grandmother’s time, so cover your shock when she recognises your sex toys and sends you a disapproving glare. While scholars have tried to pass various phallic objects off as being ancient hammers, or highly spiritual fertility ritual items, the materials and details don't fool modern scholars who don't view through the conservative Victorian lens.
Some more detailed artifacts appear to have veins, foreskins, and even scars. That means that DIY clone-a-willy you bought as a gag gift you secretly were excited to try was actually part of an ancient rite of hand-carved sexual self-pleasure. Most of the time they were fairly generic, less personal but just as pleasurable, like this modern stone dildo and this glass one.
Some of the most well recorded ancient dildos are Greek, made of wood and leather and may be why olive oil became such a trademark to the country. It had a dual usage, being able to both moisturise the leather to prevent cracking but it also made for a great lubricant at the time, and is one of the first recorded lube ingredients.
“Female hysteria” in which women were believed to go crazy if they didn't experience orgasms, was a widespread belief in the Greek culture, so olisbos (Greek dildos) were often gifted by husbands to alleviate the symptoms. They also used bread dildos - yes, like baguettes for your vagina.
Besides stone, wood, and leather, various ancient materials have included deer antler, and by the time of the Renaissance era, those in the upper classes owned dildos of ivory, silver, among other lush materials. Other cultures though kept it simple and cheap, using fruits or vegetables. The Huns often buried their high-ranking members with dildos, for use in the afterlife. These weren't any old dildos however; they were usually made of bronze and detailed.
By the 15th century, society started backing away from those sinful sexual objects and in the next century some places banned the dildos entirely, destroying many including ancient artefacts. In modern times, dildos are also made of rubber, more versatile but a lot less sturdy. Then God bless us, we started using silicone, which holds up better in heat and washing. The silicone allows us to clean better than ancient materials, mold into different shapes and add designs, and experiment more. The rest, my friends, is history.
For a modern take on the ancient art of dildo-making, we love the Prism VII Rouge. It has a unique diamond shaped faceted base, with a curve for G-spot locating and an arm for external stimulation. Both parts are able to individually vibrate and the Prism has seven vibration patterns. It's quite the upgrade from deer antlers...which, you know, I hope were sanded down a bit.
Article by Sara at JOUJOU
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